Shirkani's Musings

2011 Travel Summary

2012-01-20T11:17:00.000-08:00

It's time to publish my annual travel stats for 2011:
136,911 miles, 8 airlines, 29 airports

Total delays: 14.55 hours (includes credits for early arrivals)
Percent of all flights with a delay: 25% (70% of those were delayed more than 15 mins)
Average delay (all flights): 58 minutes
Percent of delays not weather related: 56.67%

Percent of flights with a delay by airline:
Southwest (50 flights) 26% (77% of those were delayed more than 15 mins)
United (49 flights) 22% (64% of those were delayed more than 15 mins + one missed connection caused an arrival delay of 2 hours 50 mins)
US Air (7 flights) 28% (+ one cancelled flight due to mechanical caused a delay in return by 1 hr 45 mins)

Average delay by airline:
Southwest: 50 minutes
United: 31 minutes
US Air: 42 minutes

Not much change in the sad state of airline passenger experience. The FAA Reauthorization funding has still not been approved, airlines are flighting against transparency on fees, TSA remains questionable in its effectiveness, and airlines continue to complain they can't make any money. What an industry.

Reasons for Not Getting Feedback

2012-01-16T07:45:00.001-08:00

If you have ever wondered why people don't give you feedback that you need, there are 3 common reasons:

1. Even though you say you want to hear it, you get defensive and make excuses for your behavior to the point where it makes it so difficult for others to be honest, they don't bother.

2. They have given you the feedback multiple times in the past but nothing seems to change. Instead of wasting their time, they stop telling you.

3. They are concerned about retaliation. It has not been safe to give you honest feedback in the past without negative consequences to them.

So, if you have gotten feedback via a 360 assessment or performance review that surprised you, honestly ask yourself if any of the 3 conditions above could be the reason why you haven't heard it before.

Are You a Generous Leader?

2011-11-10T11:08:00.000-08:00

I was recently reading an article on successful team collaboration and it mentioned something about creating a “gift culture”
(http://businesstalentdna.com/pdf/Eight_Ways_to_Build_Collaborative_Teams%5B1%5D%5B1%5D.pdf) and it got me thinking about how many leaders would be surprised to know that the word “stingy” could accurately describe their management approach? Want to know if you would be considered to be a generous leader? Take this quick, very non-scientific quiz and find out...

Robert Greenleaf wrote an amazing leaflet, originally published in 1970 called “The Servant as Leader” and revolutionized the idea of leading from within, by supporting your team, instead of directing from on top. The benefits of being a leader who is in service and who gives to others generously tend to drive engagement (low maintenance) vs. obedience (high oversight). What they generously provide is coaching, time, responsiveness, freedom to fail, sharing credit and decision-making authority. They draw people in versus pushing them along. They have a healthy sense of humility because they put their followers first and see their job is to remove obstacles for the team, using their influence (as well as getting their hands dirty and owning tasks both low and high level as needed) to make life better for their team vs themselves. They operate from EQ versus EGO.

Take this self-assessment to determine whether your team would more likely coin you as a generous leader or stingy leader:

1. Do I routinely ask for feedback on how I can help them be more effective both day-to-day and in meeting their larger goals?

Generous leaders keep a pulse on the obstacles to team performance and spend diligent time on cutting through bureaucracy to get resources or eliminate unnecessary steps that impede productivity. They see their job as a facilitator of work, not just visionary in the corner office. Generous leaders show the team that they are heeding their advice and continually proving to them that they have a voice within the organization.

2. How often do I defend my team when they need me?

Generous leaders protect their employees from gossip and rumors. They assume everyone’s best intentions and take steps to fully understand issues before reaching conclusions or rushing to judgment. They remain loyal to the absent. They speak up in meetings where their team is being attacked and run interference.

3. When was the last time I gave someone else credit for something I did?

Generous leaders share the spotlight. They are not threatened by others’ receiving attention for accomplishing the work of the team and are able to share successes with their followers. Taking an abundance theory when it comes to praise, acknowledgement and recognition earns deep respect from followers. And it is important to note that the way generous leaders share the spotlight is not just indiscriminately across the board, rather they find out how members of their team like to be recognized. Some appreciate large scale spotlight while others just appreciate a quick, private bask in the sun between them and their leader.

4. How often do I dominate a meeting?

Generous leaders do not need to be the smartest person in the room. They do more listening than talking. They listen to others for understanding, instead of judging. They guide critical thinking via questions versus stating opinions. The most generous leaders are best at asking dialogue enriching questions. Instead of just the facts, generous leaders deepen interactions between themselves and their teams by being a catalyst for deriving meaning from flat data and getting people to communicate in a way where genuine understanding and connections take place.

5. Would my team say that I get more than I give?

Generous leaders always attempt to give more than they get. They put the needs of others first, instead of expecting everyone else to keep them comfortable. They respect the deadlines of peers and direct reports and don’t constantly change priorities on them or operate in chronic crisis mode. Generous leaders respond to messages from their team before the boss or client.

6. What values and expectations do I unconsciously communicate through my behavior?

Every leader should evaluate what message they are sending when they are emailing at
2am or asking for things from their people on the weekends. Even if they say it’s not important for the employee to respond and send it anyway, the damage is done. The expectation is set for what is acceptable and tells others that no matter how much you say you value them as people, your actions don’t show it. And chances are they won’t feel entitled to honor and protect that work/life balance if you don’t. People don’t feel safe when leaders contradict themselves. Check your leadership for contradictions. It’s the number one saboteur of generous leadership.

Although generous leaders appear flexible and supportive, they are not weak. They do not let people walk all over them or take advantage of their philosophy on leadership. They set direction, drive outcomes and hold people accountable by utilizing a giving approach vs. a getting approach.

Three Simple Tips to Raise Your Emotional Intelligence

2011-09-29T11:22:00.000-07:00

As with many things in life, big impact can come from very small gestures. Sometimes the things that touch us most profoundly are found in moments in time: a specific smile, a kind gesture, a personal note, well-chosen words spoken exactly when you needed to hear them. And the same goes for Emotional Intelligence (EQ). If you are working on increasing your EQ and all the things it brings: more effective working relationships, more genuine and enjoyable personal relationships, a better understanding of other’s needs as well as our own, more opportunities to do what we enjoy with people we enjoy inside and outside work, and the ability to have a greater platform for your thoughts and ideas, don’t feel like you have to reinvent yourself or change some big thing about you. Instead, make subtle but important changes to raise your influence and impact on others. Here are three simple tips to get you started…

In our October 2010 Performance Pointer (http://archive.constantcontact.com/fs088/1100409827245/archive/1103776948817.html), we discussed the important balance between Ego and EQ. When we live in Ego we do things that are
comfortable for us, and force others to do the adjusting. When we use our EQ, we understand that we cannot work from a place that puts our own needs first. So, Tip #1 is get out of your comfort zone. For example, instead of sending out an email late at night or a document for someone else to review while they are on a day off just to be able to check it off your list, wait to do so if the timing is terrible for the receiver. Or if you can’t wait to send it, at least make it clear that you do not want or expect the person to review it on their time off. Setting a clear expectation of response demonstrates a respect and priority for the other person’s time.

Avoid making excuses for your own blind spots or missteps. Take accountability when you have
left someone with a wrong impression. Tip #2 is to judge yourself on your behaviors not your intentions. Get in a habit of nightly or weekly self-reflection where you replay the events of the
week and ponder ways that you may have handled them differently. Perhaps there are some whom you may owe an apology to for your behavior. Pay special attention to times when you unintentionally took out a bad mood or frustration on an undeserving coworker. Consider how
in touch you are with your own body language and behavioral cues. When was the last time you picked up a sense or cue that someone had an issue with you or your approach but didn’t verbalize it? How often do you find yourself mentally defending yourself in your own mind rather than seeking to understand alternate perspectives that would help you connect better with how others see you?

Social self-awareness is increased when we align our intended behavior with the perception others have of our behavior. Simply put, this means there is a congruency between who and how we want to be in relation to others and how others actually perceive us. Intention and reality can be worlds apart. This insight cannot be achieved in a vacuum. Tip #3 is to seek feedback from someone who will be honest. As a high-ranking leader, this is particularly important as the feedback you get on a regular basis will be filtered. Plus, if you don’t ask for it, no one wants
to give their boss unsolicited feedback. Be gracious and open. Thank them for their candor and willingness to care enough to share their thoughts. If anything comes across as unpleasant or confusing, resist the urge to defend or shut down and begin a new reflex response in its place – curiosity. Ask open ended questions in a non confrontive way such as “tell me more about
that….”, “okay that’s an important point…can you give me an example so I can be sure I’m on the same page”, “what would the better way look like if I were to improve or change that?”. If it is too difficult to get honest feedback yourself, consider taking a multi-rater assessment (also popularly called “a 360”) or h hire a coach to do some source interviews with the people who work with you and help you explore the data for meaning and application. Our coaching clients report that receiving once-in-a-lifetime feedback like this was life changing for them both
personally and professionally and from the coaches perspective post-360 is when we gain a lot of developmental traction because the person is able to for the first time clearly see cause and effect of their behavior.

If you’re tired of being frustrated with other’s behavior and wondering why it never seems to change despite your efforts, it might be time to reverse your focus. When we begin working with our clients on themselves (their motives, intentions vs. perceptions, reaction vs. seeking to understand, finding mutually satisfying goals/solutions), they are always shocked at how much the world around them changes as they do. Sailors know that adjusting the sail by even a few degrees can change the entire direction of their course. Human behavior is no different. Make small changes now and you may be amazed at the dramatically different place it takes you.

Surprising Workplace Performance Booster: Mindfulness

2011-08-23T11:31:00.000-07:00

“I don’t have time to think. My workload and pace is so intense I literally don’t feel like I have time to think, only to act and desperately try to keep up with the flood of demands and expectations. Thinking big picture or strategic or examining what and how I’m doing things and why, forget it. I have to keep my head down and keep going. And this is not just me, this is the culture. We all live with it.”

This is how one client described the incapacitating experience of his workload stress. Sadly, he’s not alone by a long shot. We hear this sentiment from clients at all levels and often from some of the most successful and productive people. Despite their results, they aren’t basking in the glow of their success. They’re busy trying not to drown in it.

Our to-do lists have seeped into our nights and weekends, spreadsheets and emails whirling in our heads as we toss and turn. We work hard at staying organized, utilizing our technology and paper planners to cram productivity into every breath, only to wonder at the end of the week what the heck we accomplished that truly meant anything. Mindfulness is the key to breaking this paradoxical unproductive productive cycle. It just might be the switch to turn your personal rat race into the fulfilling and exciting career you deserve.

What is Mindfulness anyway? No pretzel yoga poses required. Nope, burning incense or candles in your office won’t be necessary. According to Ellen Langer, author of several groundbreaking books on Mindfulness, the term Mindfulness is the opposite of Mindlessness, which involves automatic, habitual thought that is most frequently associated with behaviors of people who are distracted, hurried, multi-tasking, and/or overloaded. Conversely, mindfulness means being continually aware and dialed in to the moment and those participating in our moments. It is an “attunement to today’s demands to avoid tomorrow’s difficulties”. This mindset creates an openness to new information (creativity), an awareness of multiple perspectives (empathy and insight), and a quiet mental room in which to explore and examine what would otherwise be performed on auto pilot (critical thinking).

Adopting a habit of mindfulness in the workplace simply means approaching everything on your list and in your day in a thoughtful, objective, and holistic (tasks/goals and people/relationships) manner. It requires that you mentally “check in” on what is happening within yourself and around you. Let’s briefly review three important check-ins that help to create a mindset of mindfulness at work.

Check Your Pace

Often our tendency is to move rapidly into fixing mode or to maintain a continuous breakneck speed towards achievement, especially within high pressure cultures. This approach can reap results and therefore reinforces a mindless pace that is riddled with the blind spots of an overly outcome centric approach. To be mindful doesn’t mean being slow or ineffective. Rather, it is a mental check-in that thoroughly assesses the situation to determine the most balanced and effective method and pace for accomplishing the task at hand. It causes us to ask
the why, how, who, and what else questions that are so vital to wise decision making: assessment before action. Instead of moving at the speed of the culture or others demands, mindfulness provides a stop gap that helps us focus, increases our energy and allows us to more skillfully apply our talents. It encourages us to stop and thoughtfully consider all aspects of the project or problem and resist the urge or pressure to jump in and rush toward results. Without this mindful pace check-in, we miss important details and fail to understand root causes, almost guaranteeing a reoccurrence of the issue. Mindlessly, we might actually make the problem worse. A good technique for creating a mindful work pace is to start by assessing how you currently schedule your days. Are you booking yourself too tightly or committing to unrealistic deadlines? Push back on timelines that don’t feel balanced or necessary and be sure to schedule chunks of time in between meetings to process and plan around what you’ve heard.

Check Your Control

Many people report deep frustration and lack of personal fulfillment stemming from feeling out of control of their time. Keeping up with an intense workload is a common cause of mindlessness. Conversely, practicing mindfulness snaps your brain out of auto pilot by reexamining everything you had previously accepted as part of the necessary evils of the job. Are all your deadlines and workload expectations realistic and set collaboratively? Simply put, how much are you managing your environment and how much is it managing you? Fight any urge to think that achieving this level of influence is not realistic in your environment. We’ve heard this excuse many times and unfailingly clients are able to think of at least one person they work with who does exert control over their time and the expectations placed on them by others. It’s not that you can’t control your time; it’s merely a matter of learning how to do it. This more mindful and assertive approach for managing workload expectations might be different than what others have come to expect from working with you but rarely does that become a stumbling block. More likely, others barely notice when we renegotiate task terms yet we get a world of relief and a sense of personal accomplishment from taking back control of our time.

Check Your Plate

Should everything that is on your list actually be on your list? This is where you check-in that you are asking for help when needed, not assuming the problems of others instead of coaching them to do it themselves, and having the confidence to push back on a task or deadline that either doesn’t belong with you or will cause undue stress to accomplish it in the time allotted. The worst case stories we often tell ourselves about what might happen if we don’t meet or exceed other’s expectations often include things like…they’ll stop coming to me for help…others will see me as disorganized, ineffective or lacking a sense of urgency if I
push back on their timing….they’ll communicate poorly about me to others…I should be able to handle this; it’s my job….and more of the same. Reality rarely lives up to the fiction that plays out in our heads. Stay mindful about what you take on, what resources you’ll need, and what commitments you’ll need others to make for you to be set up for success, not stress.

If you can relate to our client’s sentiments and feel you too struggle to find the time to think, then take this opportunity to stop and awaken to another option. A mindful mindset is counter to our modern world and will take practice. Start by taking one thing on your plate today and mindfully assess it with fresh eyes. Less stress, more fun, collaboration, and meaningful impact….You never know what else you might discover.

Choosing Optimism

2011-07-26T12:08:00.000-07:00

We all have heard the expression that you can see the glass as half full or half empty, which implies that we have a choice in seeing the world the way we want to. Some challenge that and wonder how much can someone’s outlook on life be altered? The good news is research has shown that optimism, which is one of the Emotional Intelligence skills, can be learned. It is vital for organizations be chock full of optimists and the positive attitudes that come with them. If you would like information on testing your optimism or learn how to increase it, read on.

Optimism has a correlation with better health (http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/positive-thinking/SR00009), longer life (http://www.apa.org/monitor/nov06/healthy.aspx), more happiness and more fulfilling relationships. The Oxford English Dictionary defines optimism as having "hopefulness and confidence about the future or successful outcome of something; a tendency to take a favourable or hopeful view." It is someone who sees setbacks as temporary, and good things in life to be prevalent. It is someone who believes that positive change is possible in themselves and others. And an optimist sees problems as individual occurrences, not the grand plan against them. Without optimism, individuals tend to look for the negative in all situations, finding all the reasons why something will go wrong and the flaw in any plan (yes, they love to quote “Murphy”).

The leading researcher on the topic of optimism and “positive psychology” is Martin Seligman. He runs the Authentic Happiness Institute and the University of Pennsylvania. At his website (http://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/questionnaires.aspx) you can take several free assessments on your level of Optimism, Happiness and Gratitude.

In his book Learned Optimism Seligman says,
“The defining characteristic of pessimists is that they tend to believe that bad events will last a long time, will undermine everything they do, and are their own fault. The optimists, who are confronted with the same hard knocks of this world, think about misfortune in the opposite way. They tend to believe that defeat is just a temporary setback or a challenge, that its causes are just confined to this one case.”
This highlights the common dynamic of pessimists who commonly point outward in their search for why things aren’t the way they want them to be. Instead of looking for their part in the problem, owning it and taking steps toward fixing the issue, they always find someone to blame. Instead of identifying their point of influence and leveraging their personal power, they waste loads of time and energy complaining about their issues. “Bad luck” lets them off the hook for taking action and personal responsibility. Pessimists unknowingly play the victim in life (http://archive.constantcontact.com/fs088/1100409827245/archive/1101690503429.html)

Seligman tested his theory with the hiring of new sales people at Met Life. It was a daring experiment: hire candidates who scored low on the company’s traditional hiring process but high in optimism. They tracked their results against a control group and they outsold the pessimists by 21 percent the first year, and by 57 percent the second year. The results included Met Life increasing its market share of the personal insurance market by 50%.

Tips on Increasing Your Optimism:
• Be mindful of your first reaction to assume the worst. Ask yourself, “What about this situation could work out well?”
• Catch yourself (or ask a trusted colleague) to catch you using negative language. Words such as “fat chance”, “don’t waste your breath”, “I have the worst luck”, “nothing will change” all reveal your pessimistic expectations and make you look like a downer.
• Find your happy place. Visualize your life in the future at its best, with your goals accomplished, your stressors removed, surrounded by the people who bring out the best in you.
• Don’t believe everything you think. Challenge yourself to change your thinking and you will change your behavior.
• Interview yourself when you anticipate the worst to happen. Ask: Why do I have such low expectations of this? What are the odds that the worst case scenario will actually happen? Are there actions I can take to mitigate any risk? What if the best outcome happened?
• Lose the pessimists in your life. Free yourself of relationships that bring out the worst in you, and make a date with an optimist. Good feelings and positive attitudes are contagious (just like the negative ones). Work to surround yourself in your business and personal life with people who make you feel strong, successful, valuable, energized, and happy.
• Leaders with optimism are the ones people want to work for. Light-hearted, positive, seeing the best in people, and confident are all strong leadership qualities. On the flip side, a leader cannot be seen as too optimistic or they appear out of touch with reality. Bosses who continually talk in prettied up press release-speak and relentlessly preach the company line quickly lose credibility, respect and performance from their people. If you’ve had an overly idealistic supervisor attempt to “motivate” you, then you know exactly how frustrating and demotivating unbalanced optimism can be.

As with all the EI skills, optimism must be at high, but appropriate, levels to be seen as genuine. Do an attitude check and ensure that you are not getting into a pattern of negative energy or constant complaining. No one wants to work with a buzz kill.

A pessimist has no motor. An optimist has no brakes.

EQ and Leadership

2011-07-20T14:41:00.000-07:00

I was interviewed on July 6th by Ric Franzi of Critical Mass for Business (www.criticalmassforbusiness.com) on the topic of Emotional Intelligence and leadership.

I hope you check it out...

http://t.co/XRMYF3Q

Feedback After Failure

2011-06-14T12:13:00.000-07:00

Obviously, no one wants to make a bad decision or make a mistake. Yet if we consider the things in life that have shaped us the most, there are likely more than a few failures and tough lessons on the list. However, we rarely allow employees the benefit of this “fail forward” environment; the freedom to feel fully empowered to experiment and take risks. Most leaders have difficulty letting go because of trust issues, image management motives, and/or a need to protect people from the deflating failure experience. However, to be a fully effective leader we are required to delegate and trust employees to take responsibility and accountability for their own decisions. This is a significant distinguisher between management and leadership. Are you directing or developing?

Rest assured that if you have an engaged employee who fails, no one will feel worse about it than they will, so your feedback through it will be vital. A borderline employee will need the post-mortem to collaboratively sift through the experience to find the valuable lessons they can leverage to improve their performance. A poor performer will tire of the consistent communication, expectations, and accountability, and will likely pick up their anchor and move on.

After all the recovery plans have been created and implemented, it is time to schedule the meeting to do a post-mortem. Here are some ideas:

• Let them talk. Think coaching, not instructing. Ask questions that allow them to process what happened and self-discover any warning signs they may have missed. A lesson learned personally has far greater power to change than accepting someone else’s truth.

• Don’t play the blame game – and stop them from playing it to. If it really was their decision that led to failure they must own it, but you also need to ease up on your urge to lecture or say I told you so. If others truly were involved in the mistake or poor decision, allow this fact to be acknowledged on one condition. They must also acknowledge what they personally could have done to influence other’s behavior to have achieved better results. How can they be more successful working with and through others going forward?

• What lessons have been learned – what can you both take away from the experience?

• Moving forward – how can you help them re-establish credibility or trust? Identify what resources may be missing to assist them.

• Remind them of past success – you don’t want to make them fearful of risking again. Build their confidence. Remember that they will beat themselves up worse than you ever will. You can verbally communicate a safe environment, but if your actions at any point contradict this message, there will be no growth in performance or personal ownership. Check in intermittently with your staff to ask how effective you are being in delivering a consistent message of safety in risk taking.

The only way to delegate more is to trust more. The only way to build trust is to give people room to prove themselves, including the risk of failing. Keep the conversation objective, make it safe for them to try new things and grow, and if things don’t go as planned, ask what contingency plans he/she would have put in place knowing what they know now. How can you both use that information for the next time? Don’t stop providing autonomy because of failure; be there to give them what they need, just when they need it. Someone somewhere gave you an important chance to learn and grow. Be that someone for your team.

Random Thoughts From the Road

2011-06-14T06:16:00.000-07:00

What city am I in? Was 906 my hotel room number from last night or last week? When I walk into the parking lot, I go to the blue car then realize that was from the day before. What color was that car I picked up last night? Toyota or Nissan?

If only my body kept up with changing time zones as well as my phone does.

I walked into Enterprise to pick up a car last week and was surprised to find they couldn’t find my reservation. Until I realized I made my reservation with Hertz.

My iPhone lets me set appointments, but doesn’t clarify in what time zone they are in. Sorry to the client with whom I tried to schedule a conference call at 5am PDT; that was intended for 8am PDT.

The NetJet people email me to taunt me, as I am pretty sure I can never fly on a private jet because that would just ruin me for commercial air travel ever again. I also don’t dare consider the cost – probably a year’s worth of health insurance premiums for my family.

It’s official, US Air does have the most bitter flight attendants in the industry.

I have met the most amazing people through the work I do, and am honored that they trust me enough to let me peek under the covers. I am blessed to still be in business after the last 3 years, still have my home, and still have health insurance for my family. I so appreciate my supportive husband and beautiful daughters who flex and roll with this crazy, unorthodox, non-traditional life, without complaint.

If I meet you on a plane, I ask for your forgiveness in advance if I seem a little spacey. Jet lag. Life jag.

Man Up

2011-05-12T12:22:00.000-07:00

There is a dynamic going on in the workplace today: a shortage of people willing to step up and own their behaviors. The way it plays out is in employee’s who blame others for their failures, get defensive, deflect responsibility, or claim ignorance. There is a link between Self-Awareness and being accountable for our behavior. It requires self-reflection, and it requires seeing ourselves from another point of view. It requires manning up to apologize, even if not for the content of your message but for how you botched its delivery. Self-awareness helps you sense when your behavior is being disruptive and making efforts to remove yourself or use your self-control to minimize the negative impact on others.

To increase Accountability:

Be a leader, role model for your team how to say, “I had no intention of misleading you, I don’t think I was clear with my expectations and I am sorry it created confusion for you.”

Stop telling people what to do: if they are simply carrying out your directives, it makes it impossible for them to take any ownership of its outcome or for you to hold them accountable.

Be self-deprecating. Don’t take yourself so seriously that you get defensive when given feedback. Be able to laugh at your own mistakes, especially in front of your team.

Any time you end up in a conflict or a difficult confrontation, really consider the part you played in it. Almost always, people’s bad behavior is the reaction to something you have done (usually unintentionally). So reflect on what you did to get such a reaction from them, and own up to it with them and apologize.

Watch the blame game. No one wants to work with someone who is always pointing fingers at others as explanation for their own failure. Do people let us down? Yes.
Does workload sometimes feel unfair? Yes. Deal with it.

I really hope if you are in a leadership role that you will try some of these suggestions. You hold the power to change the behavior in your whole lead team by doing so.

Increasing Flexibility

2011-04-19T12:24:00.000-07:00

It seems we are all being asked to stretch, flex and push ourselves to do more, be more and accomplish more with less. This requires one critical EQ skill – Flexibility.

Flexibility in the context of Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is defined as:
The ability to handle changing circumstances and expectations without disruption. Someone with high Flexibility can handle changing conditions and uncertainty while maintaining their productivity.

Yes, change makes all of us uncomfortable, so why do that to ourselves? Because the opposite of flexibility is rigidity and leaders and teams who demonstrate rigidity get left behind. Leaders who are closed-minded and resist spontaneity do not engage others. Instead, leaders must accept and implement feedback from others, not be easily annoyed or triggered, and remain open minded and willing to experiment with different solutions. Leading others through ambiguity is a vital competency in today’s world. And our human nature doesn’t help: the more uncertainty around us, more we cling to what we know. When things feel out of control, we micro-manage more, which is the exact opposite of what we should be doing. When we tie others to old patterns we tie ourselves as well. Remember that the prison guard is a prisoner too.

If you are looking to increase your own Flexibility or lead a team to do that, here are some suggestions:

• Take time (and/or encourage others) to respond to unexpected events and not reject them out-of-hand. Force yourself to sleep on it before stating an opinion on a new initiative. Instead of first finding all the things that won’t work, spend time searching for the things that can.

• Remain open minded to new ways of responding to old problems. Brainstorm ideas with others for handling dynamic, changing demands instead of relying on your own ways of doing it.

• Rigidity can be tied to risk aversion so think of several contingency plans to make change feel safer. Play the worst case scenario game by imagining how you would be able to respond if your deepest concerns were realized and work backwards from there.

• Do a self debate on an issue you feel strongly about. Only take the other side.

• Find the positive in fresh ways of doing things; the more you leave behind, the more room you have to explore something new.

• Self-reflect on a time when something that happened felt like failure at the time, but actually turned out to be a good thing.

• Catch yourself (and ask for help from others) when you start slipping back to old habits and behaviors. Don’t allow yourself to drift back to a comfort zone.

Don’t attempt to change too much at once and remember that creating new habits requires mind, body and heart to stick so focus on one thing at a time. We also know that change initiatives require minutes of attention every day versus focus during one week a year, or one day a month, or even one hour a week.

“For our most important beginnings take place in the darkness outside our awareness. It is, after all, the ending that makes the beginning possible.”
– William Bridges, TRANSITIONS

Group Intelligence

2011-03-28T06:40:00.000-07:00

The researchers find some quite intriguing – and counterintuitive – correlations between properties at the level of the individual and the level of the group. For example, one might “pre-theoretically” think that group intelligence is a function of the average intelligence of that group’s members. And one might “pre-theoretically” think that a group with a single exceptional individual would have a higher group IQ than one with, say, three above average but non-exceptional members. However, Woolley and her colleagues find only a statistical correlation between the intelligence of groups and these two member-level properties. In other words, it’s not possible to accurately predict how well groups will perform on a range of cognitive tasks simply by averaging the IQs of its members, or by noting a single exceptional individual within the group. These features aren’t linked – or at least not robustly – to group IQ, despite what intuition might suggest.

What, then, determines how smart a group of collaborating individuals is? The researchers find three individual-level features that correlate in a statistically significant way to collective intelligence.

First, the greater the social sensitivity of group members, the smarter the group. Second, the more turn-taking within the group, the better the group performs.
And third, the more women in the group, the higher the group IQ.

For any reader who works on projects in groups, this is good information to know!
http://ieet.org/index.php/IEET/more/verdoux20110119

The Problem with Healthcare

2011-03-23T09:13:00.000-07:00

My daughter needs eye surgery. Nothing major, she was born with a tear duct issue that causes teary eyes. Because she was born with 2 other health issues, the eyes fell to the bottom of the priority list. Now we are ready to deal with it and have been to 3 surgeons to determine the best approach and hospital. The first stop we made was to Boston Children’s who recommended an outpatient procedure. Being self-employed, we do not have great health insurance coverage so we knew we would likely be out-of-pocket for the majority of the cost. So we asked if we could get an all-in cost estimate (the surgeon, the anesthesiologist, the OR, – the total expected cost of the surgery) and were told no: they couldn’t provide it because they didn’t know how to create an estimate.

The third opinion was at Dartmouth Medical Center where we received a similar diagnosis and recommended out-patient procedure, so again we asked for a cost estimate. This time, they were able to give us an estimate (it took almost a month to get it) – are you ready? We were quoted $30,000 to $35,000. I was stunned when I heard the amount. I called the surgical coordinator back to get a breakdown and try and understand how a 10-minute outpatient procedure could possibly cost so much. After leaving 2 messages for her, another 3 weeks later I still did not have an answer. I kept thinking that if I were calling a car dealership about purchasing a $35,000 Lexus I would have a call back the same day.

So I called the surgeon directly and told her my story. She said she had no idea how much even her own fees were and when I told her the quoted amount of $30,000 to $35,000 she herself gasped. She said she had no idea how much it cost to have any of the procedures she performed. Despite follow up, it has been almost 2 months since our original appointment and no one can give us the breakdown of the estimated costs for her procedure.

THIS IS THE PROBLEM WITH HEALTHCARE!

The providers don’t even know how much they are charging. The healthcare system doesn’t know how to accurately create an estimate for services. The patients aren’t asking for cost information. What other industry can get away with this? I can’t imagine my clients asking about my fee structure and me saying, “I have no idea”.

My daughter needs this surgery but also feel that I have a responsibility to manage how much I will pay and how much my insurance company will pay for a routine procedure. If you are a patient and haven’t been asking about the costs of your healthcare, start asking. If you are a provider and don’t know your own fee structure, start learning. We all need to take a role in assessing reasonableness in cost of care. This is ridiculous.

Delegating For Development

2011-03-18T12:37:00.000-07:00

Development Activities vs. Job Duties

Once you have identified some employees with high-potential that you would like to groom and develop, consider small actions you can take to maximize opportunities that allow your employee to learn while they work toward accomplishing job duties.
Important things to consider:

Development activities should come with added levels of support. As the employee learns, they will have questions. Pre-plan whom they should go to first and what sources are available to them. You may also suggest some “hands off” sources if you know there is a risk of them learning bad habits first. You will need to make yourself available on a predictable schedule so the employee has access to you as they learn.

Development activities must allow room for failure. Don’t assign a super-sensitive, high visibility project to your employee as a stretch assignment. Pick something that has a long deadline, that you may have time to review and finalize before it goes public, or something that has minor risk if it isn’t “perfect.” Think about how you would explain “perfect” to them as you delegate. Paint a picture of what a perfect outcome would be in your mind. And then be ready to accept less than perfect.

Development activities need a post-mortem. In today’s rush-around, no-resource world we complete projects, check them off the list and move on to the next thing. After a development activity is assigned, schedule a formal meeting to discuss process, roadblocks, successes and key learnings. It can be as simple as “what worked/what didn’t work”. Use it as an opportunity to spring board to the next assignment. Test your employee to see if they are continuously incorporating their new skills into their daily work; this is a way to measure their learning agility.

Most organizations today are relying on “on-the-job” (OTJ) training to develop employees to increasing levels of skill and competence. For OTJ to be effective, it requires a different approach to delegation and categorizing job tasks into development activities. This process aids learning, allows the employee autonomy and accountability, and minimizes risk of failure.

Type A personality: It's not all bad news!

2011-03-14T14:40:00.000-07:00

Type A Personality: It’s not all bad news!

People with Type A personalities are known for being impatient, aggressive and high-stress. They often get a bad rap. But recent research suggests that if you have some Type A characteristics, there may be benefits – especially when it comes to your work life.

Here's what some studies say:

A study in the Journal of Occupational and Environmental Medicine suggests that employees with Type A personalities are often effective leaders and have lower levels of work stress.
Research presented in the Journal of Applied Social Psychology found that people with Type A personalities tend to be more ambitious. As a result, they have higher levels of job satisfaction.
A study in the Scandinavian Journal of Psychology found that Type A employees are more likely to be engaged in their work and less likely to report burnout.
Research conducted in Finland found that the leadership component of Type A personalities is related to several positive traits, including high standards, perseverance and self-esteem and and being well liked among friends and co-workers - traits that may even help lower the risk of heart disease.

Source: Mayo Clinic Health Solutions

Intent vs. Impact

2011-02-15T12:42:00.000-08:00

Stephen Covey has said that we judge others on their behavior and we judge ourselves on our intentions. What would happen if we reversed that thinking?

Wouldn't your team be more creative if they experienced less judgment in the workplace? Wouldn't there be less stress if everyone felt accepted and understood?

Consider doing a brief, but easy exercise to learn more about perceptions.

Imagine seeing yourself from someone else's point of view. They do not have the benefit of knowing how you think. They do not get insight into your rationale when you make decisions. They only see what you do and what you say. For one week, spend the last 10 minutes of each workday writing down the names of the people you interacted with that day and, thinking about your behavior only, list the adjectives they would give if asked to describe you. Now make a list of everyone you interacted with and how you judged them that day.

On the flip side, since we don't have the ability to read someone else's mind, we make a lot of assumptions about why someone behaves the way they do. What if you spent one week conscientiously assuming everyone had the best intent? Even bad behavior can be driven by someone trying to do the right thing and being stymied by the actions of others. Catch yourself before judging someone else negatively and instead consider any and all positive motives. Choose one of those.

Done earnestly, this will be a very enlightening exercise increasing your self-awareness and empathy.

What have you got to lose?

Annual Travel Summary - 2010

2011-01-03T10:08:00.000-08:00

Here is my 2010 travel summary:

113,635 miles, 7 airlines, 32 airports.

Total delays: 15.05 hours (includes credits for early arrivals)

Percent of all flights with a delay: 30.77% (78% of those were delayed more than 15 mins)

Average delay (all flights): 42 minutes

Percent of delays not weather related: 84.38%

Percent of flights with a delay by airline:

Southwest (45 flights) 35.56% (81% of those were delayed more than 15 mins)

United (40 flights) 25% (100% of those were delayed more than 15 mins)

US Air (9 flights) 44.44% (50% of those were delayed more than 15 mins)

Continental (8 flights) 12.5% (0% of those were delayed more than 15 mins)

Average delay by airline:

Southwest: 38 minutes

United: 59 minutes, plus 2 delayed bags

US Air: 19 minutes

Continental: 13 minutes

The winner of the most outrageous reason for a delay is United Airlines. We were sitting on the active taxiway, in line for takeoff when the pilot came on and said that we had to return to the gate to pick up a crew member who needed to be at the airport for a morning flight. The delay ended up being 61 minutes for a flight that was scheduled to be 1 hr 23 minutes, gate to gate.

Compared to 2009, my stats are actually worse in 2010. Sadly, the FAA Reauthorization funding has been delayed yet again (I think it is on it's 14th extension) so until the system improves, airline passenger's will continue to face long delays, wasted time, and unreliable service from the air carriers. There is a lot in the airlines control, although I have seen very little effort to determine what that is and make the most of customer experience.

Desire

2010-12-18T11:35:00.000-08:00

"...the most important aspect of women is desire.

The woman needs to think: When can I have it? Ohhhh, I want it so badly, I can't wait.

If you take that away from a woman, you take away a lot."

Christian Louboutin

Do Not Disturb

2010-12-01T06:58:00.000-08:00

My new favorite Do Not Disturb sign - Washington DC

EQ or Ego? It's Your Choice...

2010-10-26T12:03:00.000-07:00

We have all met that person who loves to say, “This is who I am, take it or leave it” or “You’ll always know where you stand with me, I make my positions very clear” with the implication of World, Adjust To Me. Add some hierarchical title in there (if they are VP, EVP, or a C-something) look out because now they feel even more justified to ask the World to do the Adjusting. There is one thing about Ego and EQ – they are mutually exclusive. When I operate from a place of Ego, I make choices that are good for me, I do things that meet my needs, and I expect others to make me comfortable. When I operate from a place of EQ, I understand that it can’t be about me, and the burden is on me to read situations and people accurately in order to respond in most appropriate ways. And I get that it means that I have to be the one doing the adjusting, and that it won’t always be comfortable.

Take the following scenarios:

The executive who doesn’t attend the pre-sales meeting planning sessions, arrives the day before and wants the entire agenda changed. Ego over EQ.

The employee who receives a terse email from a co-worker and instead of writing an equal attack right back, makes the effort to speak to the co-worker in person and uncover the real issue. EQ over Ego.

The front-line employee who finds an interesting article on an innovative approach and leaves a copy of it for a senior leader with a note of suggestion. The executive chews out the front-line employee’s boss for not teaching her to follow chain-of-command. Ego over EQ.

The senior leader who, despite political consequences, publicly takes responsibility for a bad decision. EQ over Ego.

The business owner who sees that the office is overwhelmed with work and jumps in to help with administrative support. EQ over Ego.

Look over this list of characteristics:

EQ	EGO
Great listener	Great talker
Encouraging	Doubting
Communicative	Secretive
Courageous	Intimidating
Sense of humor	Judges others
Shows empathy	Self-centered
Decisive	Steamroller
Takes responsibility	Passes blame
Humble	Arrogant
Shares authority	Mistrusts
Transparent	Plays politics

Who would you rather be?

Constant Crisis

2010-10-13T07:24:00.000-07:00

Has anyone noticed that the news and government is addicted to calling everything a crisis?

The Financial Crisis
The Gulf Oil Spill Crisis
The Crisis in the Middle East
The Mortgage Crisis
The Unemployment Crisis
The Gas Crisis
The Auto Industry Crisis
The Health Care Crisis
The Global Warming Crisis
The Immigration Crisis

What's next? The Crisis Crisis?

Let's Get Rid of Management

2010-09-14T04:58:00.000-07:00

People don't want to be managed.

They want to be led.

Whoever heard of a world manager?

World leader, yes.

Educational leader.

Political leader.

Religious leader.

Scout leader.

Community leader.

Labor leader.

Business leader.

They lead.

They don't manage.

You can lead your horse to water,

but you can't manage him to drink.

If you want to manage somebody,

manage yourself.

Do that well, and you'll

be ready to stop managing,

and start leading.

Anonymous

The One Way Street

2010-09-10T07:41:00.000-07:00

Bravo to Susan Stellin who nailed the airlines on their practices that always favor them and punish the passenger when changes need to be made to an itinerary. In short, if I need to make a change to a trip it costs me, but if they make a change to my trip, I get no recompense for the inconvenience. A contract is a contract right? So, if I breach the original contract by making a change, I incur a financial consequence. But if an airline breaches the original contract by making a change (not getting me where they agreed to, when they agreed to, the way they agreed to, with my baggage intact), they have no financial consequence. Huh??

http://travel.nytimes.com/2010/08/08/travel/08prac.html

Workplace Bullying

2010-08-30T07:46:00.000-07:00

The story of Kevin Morrissey’s suicide is terribly tragic http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/08/19/AR2010081906493.html and raises some good questions about the fine line between firm management and a boss who is a bully. I know nothing of the details of the Morrissey situation, other than what the press has reported, which is that he made several reports to the University of Virginia’s Human Resources department about his boss and the pressure he was under, and that he suffered from clinical depression.

If this is true, does the HR department have a responsibility to separate the two employees until the situation is stabilized? If an investigation was conducted and was inconclusive, is that enough? Should someone have considered that this employee may have extenuating circumstances that might require a more definitive response to a claim of bullying than your typical scenario? Could the boss have just been tough and Morrissey overly sensitive?

There is a line between being a boss that is very firm, and holds people accountable and a boss that uses verbal intimidation, and favoritism to get what they want from employees. It’s time to have the conversation about it, and come to consensus within your organization about the differences between the two. Start talking.

Employee Effectiveness

2010-06-29T07:04:00.000-07:00

Energizer has announced that they will pay employees traveling overseas to fly coach instead of business class:

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/22/business/22saving.html

I understand the cost savings can be substantial and (maybe) could be talked into the rationale that the company deserves 50% of the cut, but does it make business sense? Most travelers to Europe arrive in the early morning and likely have to head straight to an office or meeting from the airport. How effective is a sleep-deprived executive who has spent the night in a coach seat?

The "It" Competency

2010-06-25T09:48:00.000-07:00

Wondering what is the most important competency to find in a new hire??

http://archive.constantcontact.com/fs088/1100409827245/archive/1102324825954.html

No Leadership Development Budget? No Problem

2010-05-24T14:41:00.000-07:00

http://archive.constantcontact.com/fs088/1100409827245/archive/1102324825954.html

Human Resources with a Side of Training

2010-05-20T14:49:00.000-07:00

I have run into a real business challenge, and in discussing it with my colleagues, many of them are experiencing the same. The challenge is internal Human Resources. Senior executives with their own budgets and P & L responsibility want to hire me (an outside consultant) to help them with development planning for their team or as an executive coach and as soon as their internal HR gets wind of it, they put a stop to it. First of all, I don’t think that internal HR can tell someone with their own discretionary budget that they cannot spend the money, but they put up such an internal tantrum that is causes the business leader to pause. Why?

If you are an internal HR executive, please tell me why you are threatened by a business leader who wants to seek help from a specialist? I understand that jobs are scarce and everyone is trying to protect their own positions. The official line is usually “we have those resources internally, you don’t need to spend the money”. I have not seen an organization yet that has enough internal resources for learning and development solutions (workshops, eLearning, performance coaching, IDP’s, conflict mediation, etc.) to meet all the needs of the organization. Most of the time, budget cuts hit learning and development first and left is a Human Resources department that has primary responsibility for compensation, benefits, compliance, workers comp, recruiting and employee relations, who is also asked to do Talent Management on the side.

Internal and external consulting are two different animals. As hard as it is to hear, it needs to be said that an internal employee relations specialist, training specialist, or even talent management guru will not have the same impact that an external specialist will. That is just the cold reality. I have been both an internal and external consultant. I have been that frustrated internal consultant that resented external consultants who always got more credibility, more visibility, and (frankly) better results than we could internally. I suffered from the egotistical attitude “if it’s not invented here it could never be as good” and “our company and culture is so unique, effective performance solutions can only come from within”. Both of those statements are false and a mantra that internal TM professionals use to try and convince their organization of the same.

After being an external for 11 years now, I understand why the results are different. As an external, I bring best practices from multiple companies and multiple industries that I have experienced hands-on. As an internal can you say that? As an external, my client can share confidential information about their real performance challenges that often involve supervisors and peers without risk of repercussion or exposure. As an internal can you say that? As an external, my livelihood depends on my responsiveness devoting undivided attention to my client’s needs. As an internal can you say that?

As an external I often work with internal HR and like having a strong partnership between us. But it is important for HR to see when it is in the organization’s best interest to use outside professional services and please work with us, instead of against us.

Employee Engagement

2010-05-10T14:45:00.000-07:00

Recently, I was on a Southwest flight and was chatting with the flight attendant. She said that the night before, the crew had an overnight stay and the (female) Captain took them all out for a lobster dinner. She said, “I felt like I was on vacation, not working. It was amazing.” Wow. How many of your employees would say that after spending an evening with you?

Detached Attachment

2010-04-05T11:29:00.000-07:00

On my last two flights from IAD-MHT my checked suitcase on United did not make my flight. In both cases, they delivered it to me the next day. Aside from the pure annoyance and inconvenience, this is part of travel is so unnerving. We are forced to choose our most prized possessions to take with us. I can’t bring 10 outfits and make a choice based on mood, local weather, or feel of the environment so I must pick before I leave. And so I pick the best ones, often favorite things. I bring items that symbolize comfort and confidence - my form of consolation – to help me forget the things I miss back home. But then, every time I check a bag, board a plane, or pack and unpack in a hotel, I must be willing to lose those treasures and never see them again. It is such a cruel game of detached attachment.

Motivation Matching

2010-03-24T11:40:00.000-07:00

I was referred to this video and speaker by a colleague and it contains some very relevant information on one of the Emotional Intelligence competencies, Motivation:

http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://cache.gawker.com/assets/images/17/2009/08/thumb160x_candle_problem.jpg&imgrefurl=http://lifehacker.com/5346885/overcoming-the-candle-problem-and-rethinking-motivation&usg=__vZIJydZuWPGXr_9PEok1Ys78ESE=&h=156&w=160&sz=8&hl=en&start=8&um=1&itbs=1&tbnid=51a_a-BonQ4kWM:&tbnh=96&tbnw=98&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dthe%2Bcandle%2Bproblem%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DX%26tbs%3Disch:1

Social Networking

2010-03-20T11:39:00.000-07:00

This is a great video on the value of social networking media:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sIFYPQjYhv8

Message In a Bottle

2010-03-10T11:28:00.000-08:00

Have you ever sent a message in a bottle? There is something exciting about the idea of sending a piece of yourself off into the world, without any idea of where it may end up. It could find its way to another continent or it may end up in a trash heap. It might be held in the hands of someone who treats it as treasure, or it may be lost in a storm forever and sitting on the bottom of the ocean. It is a mysterious, romantic, soulful practice to write down secrets and send them away. I think some of the senders hope their messages are never found, and others are enchanted with the idea of being connected to a random finder via serendipity. My mind will periodically drift to the secrets I have sent off in bottles and I wonder where they are, what journey they have taken and if they were ever found.

I Call It Like I See It

2010-02-20T13:15:00.000-08:00

http://archive.constantcontact.com/fs088/1100409827245/archive/1102324825954.html

2009 Travel Summary

2010-01-18T07:48:00.000-08:00

I track every flight I am on, and if it is on-time or late and the reason. Here is my 2009 travel summary:

112,008 miles, 8 airlines, 34 airports.

Total delays: 14.60 hours (includes credits for early arrivals)

Percent of all flights with a delay: 26.47% (52% of those were delayed more than 15 mins)

Average delay (all flights): 47 minutes

Percent of delays not weather related: 59.26%

2 of the delays caused missed connections for the night and having to stay in a different city than planned.

Percent of flights with a delay by airline:

United 18.75% (100% of those were delayed more than 15 mins)

Southwest 14.89% (57% of those were delayed more than 15 mins)

Continental 33.33% (67% of those were delayed more than 15 mins)

Jet Blue 40% (100% of those were delayed more than 15 mins)

Average delay by airline:

United: 42 minutes

Southwest: 42 minutes, plus one delayed bag

Continental: 66 minutes

Jet Blue: 82 minutes

I have heard many times that if I don't like a particular airline, I just need to vote with my wallet and fly someone else. That is a naive comment. In some cases, I have to fly into an airport that few airlines service but despite that, I have tried many times to use different carriers in an attempt to find the one that is most reliable. I have been tracking since 2006, and it can be seen year-over-year that no one is significantly better than another.

This points to another key point - all airlines are working within the same bad system. Individual differences will be minor until our FAA technology system is upgraded. As part of FlyersRights.org we have been fighting as hard for the FAA Reauthorization funding as we have for the passenger's bill of rights.

Things Better Left Unsaid

2010-01-13T08:10:00.000-08:00

Things Better Left Unsaid:

http://archive.constantcontact.com/fs088/1100409827245/archive/1102324825954.html

Air Travel

2009-11-20T11:10:00.000-08:00

I finished the 2nd of 3 programs this week and was scheduled to fly last night on Horizon Air from Spokane WA to Sacramento to deliver the last program today. I had a connection through Portland. And there was no weather in Spokane, Portland or Sacramento last night so I had no concerns. One hour before the Spokane departure, a delay was announced due to a mechanical problem. The length of the delay meant I was going to miss my connection in Portland and it was the last flight to Sacramento for the night (of course). I was forced to spend the night in Portland, and then I had to change my hotel reservation, change my car rental reservation, make sure my suitcase was routed to Portland instead of Sacramento (and the worst part) tell my client that instead of starting the workshop today at 8:30am as planned, I would not be able to get there until 11am. I know the airlines avoid delays whenever possible, but I really don't think they have any idea what it does to us, the paying passengers, when a disruption in their service occurs. It really is an utter disrespect for my time and they all continually send the message to customers that our time is of no value. It's unbelievable that any business can run like this.

Stress

2009-11-18T11:06:00.000-08:00

I had three days of programs to do in 3 cities so I sent all of the materials in advance via UPS. I follow the same process for out-of-state programs and have been using the same Staples/UPS drop off location for the last dozen or so shipments without incident. On this particular day, I shipped 3 boxes at the same time. I arrived on Tuesday morning of this week to the first of the three program locations and no one could locate my box. So we did a search of the office and when it didn’t turn up, I went online to see who signed for it. Two of my three boxes showed a delivery confirmation and the one I needed showed that it was never even picked up from UPS, let alone in transit. I called Staples and they said that they didn’t have the box and would put a trace on it. So essentially I was left with a room full of 27 participants and no handouts or workbooks. Panic set in.

I called the local Staples and asked if I could email the documents to them for printing and they said they could have them ready in a few hours. I punted for the first couple hours of the session with just a flipchart pad and pens and ran at the lunch break to get the materials. I was so unnerved by the whole thing that I felt I was not able to recover and that the learning really suffered. I have been doing training for 20 years and have done this exact program for 13 years so of all classes, this one was the best for it to happen to because I knew the content cold. But it still was so stressful, I couldn’t believe how it threw me off my game and rocked my typical calm self. Of course, I was so mad at myself for not tracking the boxes sooner, so I would have had some recovery time. That is what I get for shooting from the hip so much. I still cannot figure out why that box didn’t arrive when the other 2, shipped at the same time did. I think it must be a reminder that I need a major vacation if I am making little mistakes like that with such serious consequences. I get it! I couldn’t have learned the lesson some other way???? Jeez.

Working Mom

2009-11-12T13:24:00.000-08:00

So I am on a business trip and had a meeting today with the senior HR team of my super conservative, life insurance client. Always dressing the part when I am there I brought my pearl necklace and earrings to wear today, and pulled them out of my jewelry pouch on my way out the door this morning. I got to the client's office, gave my presentation and then stopped in the ladies room on my way out. I looked it the mirror and noticed that I was covered in sparkles all over my neck and face. My little girls often use my jewelry pouches for putting teeth in for the tooth fairy and apparently when I pulled out the pearls, a load of pixie dust came with it! I looked like a cross between a trannie and a girls night in Vegas. OMG what was going through their mind when they saw it?!?!?

the juggle

2009-10-22T14:47:00.000-07:00

Husband on 2nd day of business trip so I have been solo parent and I have to say I've been loving being able to give undivided attention to the kids. I volunteered at my daughter's middle school this morning, got 3 speaking proposals out, got some accounting done, did a conference call with a client, wrote a knowledge survey, scored & printed 10 EQi's, booked some airline tickets, and picked up the groceries. Good day. Keep spinning plates, keep spinning...

Travel Weary

2009-10-16T06:54:00.000-07:00

Coming home today from 5th week in a row of travel. Close to 20,000 airmiles flown. My kids are wondering what their mom looks like, my desk is a disaster, my husband wants his time with me and my business administrative work and client follow up must be done. Never enough hours in a day. Never enough me to go around.

Shameless Self Promotion

2009-09-10T07:08:00.000-07:00

If anyone has been following this and wondering where I have been, I have been Tweeting. You can follow me on Twitter, name Shirkani.

In the meantime, check out this article which is the summary of my presentation at SHRM this year in New Orleans:
http://www.hrrecruitingalert.com/46-of-new-hires-fail-%e2%80%93-and-not-because-they-lack-skills/#more-1838

Power Cords

2009-02-11T17:35:00.000-08:00

Is it possible that our energy level is directly correlated with our constant need to recharge our technology?

I arrived at a client offsite retreat this morning to deliver a short program, toting my LCD projector and laptop. When I opened the LCD bag, I discovered it was missing all of it's cords: rendering it completely useless. I got back to my office this afternoon only to realize that I left my laptop power cord at the hotel. And I just landed in Washington DC to discover that I did not pack my cell phone charger. What is going on today????

Freud would say I am completely burned out and have no interest in getting recharged. I think I need a vacation with a beach and a drink with an umbrella in it; and the sun is the only power source I will need.

Getting Gauged at the Airport

2009-02-07T11:10:00.000-08:00

Dannon Light & Fit yogurt at my grocery store - 50 cents

Dannon Light & Fit yogurt at O'Hare - $2.20

Are you kidding me??? That is obscene.

Whine Tasting

2009-01-25T22:54:00.000-08:00

Napa Valley rocks! I highly recommend the Villagio Spa in Yountville and do not miss the fantastic Italian deli at V. Sattui (don’t waste your money on the wine tasting – gag). Domaine Chandon is a great bar atmosphere and the flight is a good value at $16, plus they let you keep the logo flute. We LOVED Paraduxx, a real tasting served on the patio paired with cheese and crackers. The ’05 Postmark Rector Creek was amazing. If you like red Zin you must go to Rombauer. Spend the extra money and do the Reserve Tasting at BV. They were pouring among others, a ‘95 Latour…hel-lo that is a fine wine. Thanks to some dear friends we got a private tasting at Terra Valentine on Spring Mountain Rd. - the drive up was amazing.

Do I have to go to work tomorrow? Is it bad to show up with really bloodshot eyes? Is that wrong?

The Great Wolf

2009-01-14T10:32:00.000-08:00

Just got back from a client event at the Great Wolf Lodge in Grapevine TX. It is a cool place with a giant indoor water park. The rooms are big but very lodge-y (log style furniture) and there are lots of kids even during the week. One night we were in the lounge and a lady walked in to get a drink at the bar, wearing her pajamas pushing a baby in a stroller. Okay. Did I mention it was in Texas?

The conference center has one big ballroom that would be good for a large group event but they are very short on breakout rooms of any size. I would only recommend it to a group of no more than 60 with 3 breakouts of 20 each.

The entertainment was 4 day weekend from Ft. Worth TX. They killed it – I highly recommend them for any corporate event. (fourdayweekend.com).

New Year, New Start

2009-01-05T14:19:00.000-08:00

New year, new start. I am anxious to get this year going and get to work. I have gotten so many mixed messages from clients about what say they plan to do and want a proposal for but then when it has come time to make a decision, it completely stalls out. Is that what this economic crisis has done to us? Left us completely paralyzed in fear to make even small decisions? That more than anything else is what will do us in: not moving forward and not moving backward. Just sitting in limbo waiting…

It Is What It Is

2008-12-22T15:49:00.000-08:00

I spent the early part of my career very frustrated by supervisors whom I felt were utter failures as leaders. I had read the books about exceptional leadership and was blessed to work with some amazing supervisors so I had a comparison to make. I would continue to put unfair and unrealistic expectations on people and I would continue to be disappointed when they didn't measure up.
My stepdaughters went through a phase were they would blame their dad for not doing things that he would not do in a million years. I kept thinking, "Who do they think this man is? They have invented a father that he is not and has never been". It was then that it hit me that I was doing the same thing, to "bad" bosses, to "bad" clients, to a "bad" mom. Instead I finally just accepted them for who they were, not who I desperately wanted them to be. The change in perspective has helped me see others in an entirely new way with a lot less frustration on both sides of the equation.

The Unfriendly Skies

2008-11-24T17:45:00.000-08:00

I was scheduled on a United flight last week from Boston to Orange County via a 40 minute connection in Denver. Scheduled departure was approx 5:15pm EST. I was very happy to have received my upgrade request to First Class because I had been working all day in Boston and was tired and had a workshop starting at 8am the next morning.

The plane was in and the crew was doing their pre-flight prep and the gate agent started prepping us for boarding. A few minutes later, they make an announcement that one of the flight attendants has had an accident onboard and needs an ambulance. They immediately posted a 15 minute delay. We all mull around the gate waiting to see what was next and then they announce a one hour delay because the injured flight attendant (obviously) couldn’t fly and they were having problems locating a replacement crewmember. I am now in a panic because this delay means missing my connection which is the last flight into Orange County for the night.

Now, I feel terrible for the poor person who got hurt enough to require an ambulance but honestly, it is now MY freaking problem because United runs the crews so lean and has NO backup plan for something like this. The next gate over was boarding a direct flight to LAX. I asked if they had room, and they did but of course not in First Class. I asked how I was going to get to Orange County since I was not supposed to be in LA and really didn’t want to incur the cost of the cab fare myself (probably a $75 fare). I was told to let the ground crew know when I arrived and they would take care of me. Thank God I had the presence of mind to not check a bag or it would have been complete disaster.

I was given one of the last seats available, in the Exit Row against the door. The door was so poorly sealed that cold air poured in on me for the whole 5 hours of the flight. Thank God United actually still offers blankets because I was bundled up with my coat plus three blankets to keep warm.

When I arrived at LAX at approx. 10:30pm PST, there was no ground crew at my gate. I asked at a nearby gate if someone could help me and I was told that I had to go the customer service desk in the next terminal. I was starting to get the impression that again, the lack of service recovery from United was going to end up MY freaking problem. The counter was empty and I waited ten minutes and no one came. I went into the Red Carpet club across the way and was walked out since I was not a member (never mind the fact I am an Executive Premier with them and couldn’t get any service from anyone else). I ended up in baggage claim and spoke with someone there, now weary, frustrated and so tired - a last ditch effort to force them to make good on their promise to get me to Orange County. It was the principle.

They put me on Super Shuttle, made me share it with other people who made stops before mine so I got to Orange County Airport at 11:25pm, five minutes before the car rental counter closed (LAX was sold out of cars – I checked).

Because United was unable to recover swiftly from a simple problem of a single crew member out of service, it created a terrible night of inconvenience and stress for a loyal United customer that flew over 65,000 miles with them in 2008. They don’t care – I guess it is MY freaking problem since I bought the damn ticket. Sucker.

Employee Engagement

2008-11-20T12:35:00.000-08:00

In Marcus Buckingham's book "First Break All the Rules" he discusses research that shows, unequivocally, that employee's don't leave bad jobs, they leave bad bosses. Buckingham and his team have created 12 questions (called in the business as the "Q12") to determine how engaged an employee is to their company and supervisor. One of the questions is "Do I have a best friend at work?".
When I share this concept at speaking events or workshops, most managers scoff.
"'Best' friend at work? Isn't the old saying to keep work and personal lives seperate? Doesn't is make everything more complicated when co-workers become best friends?".
The answers are yes, yes and yes. It does make things messier but the question requires a yes answer to confirm employee engagement. Having a best friend that you get to work with makes fun from drudgery, laughter from strife, and sharing rewards of hard work that much sweeter. I highly recommend it.

Making Time

2008-10-13T22:00:00.000-07:00

I don't trust people on planes who don't work, read, watch movies or listen to music. I am sorry, but there is something not right with someone who just sits and stares at the seat in front of them. I sat next to one such person today on my flight between NH and Washington DC. Of course, the wicked side of me was secretly scheming that the guy was probably a government employee (even a lazy Senator perhaps?) who was not working based on principle - it was Columbus Day and a national holiday.

Turns out, I boarded my next flight bound for Phoenix and who do I sit right next to? Mr. Do Nothing. So now I am curious and ask what he does (sales) and where he lives (AZ) and he said he has a hard time doing any work on an airplane. My curiousity satisfied, I got elbows deep into laptop work, listening to my iPod when I notice that Mr. Do Nothing is now chatting with the woman across the aisle from him. Over the course of the next 4 hours, they leaned across the aisle from each other whispering and laughing, and even dared to do some touching. I could overhear that they were both divorced (he was married 10 years and got a divorce because he didn't want kids and she was married 20 years and got a divorce because her ex had an affair with her best friend and is now engaged to her). And apparently she is a Gemini.

By the end of the flight, they had worked out a plan for him to follow her to her hotel "to help her find it". I am certain that a hook-up happened in Phoenix tonight.

It was the most entertaining flight I have been on in a long time!

Being 40

2008-10-03T08:25:00.000-07:00

I am reading "40 Things to Do When You are Forty" as a newly turned 40 with some sensitivity to the unglamorous part of this decade (getting mammograms and buying reader glasses - woo hoo!) I was pleased to read a great quote from Tawni O'Dell,

"Not long ago I would have tried to make myself care, or I would have worried that I didn't care, or I would have pretended that I cared. Now I calmly revel in the fact that I don't care that I don't care."

I spent my 20's on starter marriages, finishing school and starting my career. I spent my 30's on making a family, buying a house, finishing grad school and being a good wife, mother, business woman, community member, etc. I am not sure what the 40's hold but I am starting to care less about how I "should act" and how I "should look" and just being who I am. Maybe this 40's thing will be better than I thought?

2008-09-30T07:31:00.000-07:00

Stories

2008-09-22T13:53:00.000-07:00

I met several people last week to review their Emotional Intelligence assessments. In my one-on-one meetings with them I like to ask questions about their lives and the events that have contributed to where they are today. One kind man I met is dealing with a grown daughter who has just come back home to live with them, along with his 13-year old granddaughter. His daughter is going through a divorce and she has lost custody of her two sons. The man explained to me that part of the reason for her divorce is related to her depression and her depression is related to the death of her first husband and two sons in a house fire years earlier, her daughter is her sole surviving child from that marriage. He said she remarried and had 2 more sons immediately and never fully mourned the loss of her first family. The whole thing was, naturally, taking quite a toll on him.

Another man I met said that on Mother's Day this year, he was home with his wife and kids and had a major heart attack. He collapsed and his wife gave him CPR while the children watched until help arrived. As he said, "She worked on me for 10 minutes until the ambulance arrived. She brought me back."

Meeting these men reminded me to not be so judgmental and have more respect for others. Everyone has a story, some can be incredibly moving and tragic. We all walk around with our own story of how we got where we are. If you have trouble connecting with someone else, ask about their story. It may give you some incredible insight.

Perspective

2008-09-15T16:56:00.000-07:00

I have spent the best weekend in one of my favorite places in the world - Sanibel Island. I am an admitted shell addict and the whole experience of a live treasure hunt is thrilling to me. I was there for 3 days and the first day, I picked up every shell I found that wasn't broken or too common; I came home thrilled with my catch. After the second day of shelling, I threw back most of what I found on the first day. My perspective on what a good find was had completely changed. Of course, by day three I wasn't even picking up shells that I would have died for on day one because I had seen so much more, had discovered rarer species and was focused on only keeping the best of the best.

I thought how much that is how we are with people in our lives. Our perspective changes when someone does something that raises the bar and sets the new standard in our mind of what is possible, or what is desirable. There are some dear people in my life that re-set the standards of excellence every day through surprising and delightful acts of loyalty and faith. They are the best of the best.

Just like the great Seinfeld episode when Jerry and Elaine are rebooked to a flight that only has two seats left - one in Coach and one First Class. Jerry askes Elaine if she has ever flown First Class and she says no, so Jerry says the decision is easy who gets it: him. Because once you have flown First, you cannot go back to Coach.

The Airlines

2008-08-04T17:07:00.000-07:00

The attitude of airline employees is rivaling those at the DMV. Pathetic.

I have been a loyal customer on United Airlines and have flown over 40,000 miles with them in the last 7 months. Last year, I wrote to them about some serious service breakdowns that violated their own service commitment and as a service recovery gesture, I received 3 credit vouchers to use for a future flight. The vouchers cannot be used with an online reservation so I called them. A nice woman took my phone reservation and explained that the vouchers could not be redeemed via phone, plus I had an additional amount to pay so I would need to present them with my credit card at a local ticket counter within 24 hours to secure my reservation.

The next day, I went to my local airport in Manchester NH where I found a long line of passengers waiting for an agent. Apparently all of the Chicago flights were severely delayed due to weather, and so I waited in line for 30 minutes behind passengers trying to rebook. I came prepared with my reservation number and payments in my hand and foolishly thought how happy they would be to have such a quick and simple transaction to do. I walked up to the agent, explained that I just needed to ticket an existing reservation and was dismissed! He told me that they were too busy with passengers trying to reschedule flights, that he could not sell me a ticket and to come back in 2 or 2 1/2 hours! This is an airline whining that they don't have enough profits, refusing to provide essential needs like air and water to passengers, asking the government for a bailout to offset fuel costs TURNING AWAY A PAYING CUSTOMER.

The airlines have blamed everything else on their sad state of business - the FAA, the pilot unions, the pension funds, 9/11 and oil prices. Everything but their own deplorable service level. I cannot imagine any other company doing something like this to a customer. Can you imagine walking into a Lexus dealer and being told to come back because they were too busy helping other customers in the service department? Or going to Nordstrom and being sent away because all of their sales people were helping customers with product exchanges? Why are the airlines allowed to treat customers who spend thousands of dollars a month with them like this?

The post script to this story is that I did come back later that day only to find the ticket counter closed. I was forced to call and rebook my reservation and return to the airport a third time the next day. When I got there I was told that I could only use one of the three vouchers I had, contrary to what the phone reservation agent told me. When I mentioned that I had conflicting information from their own employee, the counter agent shrugged and implied "tough luck". Nice.

Preparing For Spring

2008-07-23T12:42:00.000-07:00

My husband and I were discussing the challenges I am having with business development and the difficulty in finding clients who want to do enterprise-wide employee development during this economic winter. He said something that really stuck with me.

We live in NH so all during our long Winter months, we are planning for the Spring. He mentioned that it is no different for employees or organizations during this economic winter. We need to be take advantage of the down time to take stock of what we have, plant seedlings and develop talent root systems so when the inevitable economic spring hits, we can move forward well ahead of the competition.

So what are you doing this winter? Are you wishing it away or taking steps now to prepare you for the certain spring to come?

Whistler

2008-07-15T20:07:00.001-07:00

Today was a 14 hour travel day. I am in Whistler BC to speak at a global sales meeting for a software company. This is my first time to Canada and the drive up here from the Vancouver Airport is not for the faint of heart or weak of bladder. It is a 2+ hour drive, most of the way is winding and slow hugging the mountains with very few places to stop. However, the view was spectacular and seeing the snow on the mountain tops against the blue water and green mountains took my breath away. It really is stunning. And the destination was worth it - a delicious resort surrounded by mountains. I am tired but so grateful that I get to visit places like this; what a beautiful world this is.

Great Interview Question

2008-07-15T20:04:00.001-07:00

I heard the best interview question from my friend Paul Silvio. "We have all had experiences in life that change us. Tell me about a defining moment in your life that shaped who you are today." I LOVE it and cannot wait to use it at my next interview.

Small Changes

2008-07-14T18:43:00.000-07:00

I met with a coaching client today who said something very insightful. Since we have been working together, she has been much more in tune with her own impulses and drives and patterns of behavior. We met after she returned from a family sailing trip that they take every year. She said something very compelling - "I have realized that since I have been working with a coach, I have been more self aware and have made what seem to me minor changes. But, I have experienced the same as when sailing. A minor navigational change makes a huge difference in the direction you go and the results you get."

Saints Living Among Us

2008-07-09T07:10:00.000-07:00

I was sitting on a plane today next to a mother traveling with her son. He made all the usual noises and gestures of a typical 3-year old excited to be on a plane. The thing was that her son was 25. I sat there in awe of the work this woman has done the majority of her life, taking care of a 3 year old boy trapped in a 25 year old man. She was kind, patient, smart and incredibly calm.

We chatted for awhile about the perils of traveling with children and I told her about the Airline Passenger's Bill Of Rights and how I had been to Washington many times to help pass federal legislation to protect passengers from being stranded on planes, trapped without food or water. Clearly, protection like that would really benefit families like hers.

It was then that she mentioned a second son traveling with her, sitting a few rows up with her husband. He was 29 she said, but also with severe mental disabilities.

I am certain it was the closest I have ever come to being in the presence of a saint.

Trust

2008-07-02T13:54:00.000-07:00

I had a meeting in Framingham MA this afternoon, approximately 70 miles from my house. On the way, I drove through this enormous electrical storm. I was driving in a pack of about 15 cars on a major freeway and the rain became so blinding, at times we could only drive 30 MPH. The option to pull off the road seemed too hazardous so we all kept going, depending on each other to not make any sudden movements, stop or cross lanes. It was a sensation of being blind and totally synchronized with each other for our own safety. It made me think - how often in life do we have to go along blind - all the while trusting employees, clients, friends or partners to stick together and not make any sudden movements? It worked out great for us on Route 495 today, just a bunch of strangers trusting each other.