This week’s blog gives some tips on dealing with the natural tensions and differences of opinion that arise when you put hard truths on the table. The days of harmony for harmony's sake are over - keep it authentic and keep it real. At some point in every relationship - because we're human - we will experience conflict.
Conflict, in and of itself, is neither positive nor negative. Simply put, conflict occurs when two or more differing opinions or values meet. How we deal with the conflict is what affects our relationships and leaves us with a positive or negative experience.
So how do you deal with conflict that arises? Here are 10 pointers to consider the next time you find yourself in conflict.
1. Step back and define the root issue. Some conflicts may be ignited by a work task, but the real issue usually lies deeper. Perhaps an employee feels undervalued or micro-managed. If you never address the root issue, the conflict will continue to surface.
2. When seeking a conflict resolution be sure to include in your discussion the underlying issues (each person's goals, interests, and fears).
3. Choose the setting for a conflict conversation in advance and prepare discussion points beforehand; someplace neutral, quiet and private.
4. Beware of the overuse of an "Accommodate" (go along to get along) or "Compete" (my way or no way) conflict response. Both have several disadvantages and can do serious damage to either the relationship or your credibility. Sometimes they are appropriate but proceed with caution.
5. If possible, break down the conflict into multiple parts. Some pieces may be easier to resolve than others, so get those out of the way before tackling the more controversial issues.
6. As Dr. Phil says, "Somebody needs to be the hero." Sometimes the issue can be resolved in more than one "right" approach. If you're in a deadlock over two possible approaches, be the hero by doing what it takes to move forward, even if that means a little blow to the ego.
7. Choose your battles. Not every battle is worth fighting, so best to use this strategy when the relationship is more important to you than the issue.
8. Admit when you're wrong. The goal is not to prove who is right or wrong, but to move the team forward. If you realize that you were wrong, admit it quickly so everyone can spend time on the solution rather than trying to decide who's to blame.
9. Focus on moving forward: make mutual commitments, request collaboration and schedule a time to follow up with each other and do a progress report.
10. Remember you're on the same team. At the end of the day, everyone wants the company to be successful and profitable. Approach conflict from this viewpoint: you're working together to resolve a problem, not against each other to prove who wins.